• Deirdre Maloney


What would you say if you weren’t worried about what people may say or think about you? What would you share if you weren’t concerned with your family’s potential reactions?

I lived by these rules for a long time. Keeping secrets, playing small, and being perfect. All to fit into a society and a family that I never really felt like I belonged to. I speak to women regularly who feel the same way. I often hear the women say they can’t move forward, around, or through something, because they fear being judged. I understand this deeply, and it is a struggle most of us carry at varying points in our lives. I vividly remember when I lost my voice. Children who are abused are immediately placed in a box and labelled with shame and guilt. These emotions will trap your voice away for years and possibly a lifetime.

Along with this label, confidence crumbles, and self-loathing begins. The search for approval and enoughness starts outside of one’s self in dangerous ways. Learning to come home to yourself to fill your own void is so dreadfully painful that it can be avoided for years.

Closing off our hearts helps us to feel safe, but there is always a lingering feeling that something is not right. Something is missing. As we hold back and stay shielded, we cannot fully love others. Self-protection of who we are denies our loved ones our full attention and inner beauty.

A few steps to finding your voice include the following:

1. Start spending some time alone every day to sit quietly with yourself. Listen to your inner voice. I like to ask my higher self (insert Source, God, Universe, or whomever you call on for guidance) to help me understand myself better, see things from a new perspective, and to love and accept myself. The only way to hear our hearts speak is to sit quietly. Try 5-10 minutes per day; beautiful answers and understandings may arise for you as they do for me.

2. After you sit quietly, try writing down some of the thoughts that arose. See if you can expand on them. Even if darker feelings like shame and fear come up, write them out. Writing became an excellent tool for me to understand some of what I was burying deep inside. My writing started out very dark and depressing for months. Slowly, it became lighter and more insightful. Putting thoughts to paper will help you hear and develop your own voice.

3. Connect with trusted friends or a therapist. Voicing your thoughts and feeling to an unbiased person can really help you self-reflect. One way to start would be by letting your friend know that you aren’t looking for advice, you just need a sounding board. I do this often, and it amazes me how I can sort through a problem quickly just by voicing it. Getting caught up in our own heads can hold us down and keep us stuck in lower vibration energy a lot longer than necessary.

4. Considering sharing painful stories in a safe, supportive environment such as a support group. When others can relate to our pain, it can sometimes offer us a sense of purpose. Not being alone in our suffering brings some comfort. I lived in a state of fear for so many years, and it took me a long time to work through these steps. It was worth every minute of struggle and pain. It’s not easy to come into yourself in a world where everywhere you look, you are being told who to be. Be nice, be strong, kind, bold, beautiful, young, dress this way, no that way. It’s easy to get lost in what we think we are supposed to be, instead of finding out who we truly are.

Find your voice, beautiful people. Find yourself, and don’t ever let go.

Be Well.

38 views0 comments