GET MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT
Some days, it’s been a struggle to just get out of bed. A real struggle. The covers just feel so good and SAFE when they are pulled up tight to my face. This gets tricky because I’m a perfectionist; staying in bed does not align well with my thoughts on perfection. Working on not being a perfectionist, while trying not to judge that progress, gets really hard. This can cause quite a problem for my psyche. It can also take me down even further into a depression, because someone who does things well and in a timely manor cannot spend a day in bed! Or can they?
Maybe I can do both. Maybe it’s ok to take that down-time to decompress after weeks, months, and years of go, go, GO! Because I am capable of burn-out. I am not super-human, despite the fact that I like to think I am and try WAY too hard to be. I pride myself on how much I can get done. The more I scratch off my to-do list, the better I feel about myself. Where is the balance? That fine line that we can so easily tip over, going from productive and balanced to an overachiever that can’t seem to get it right. Maybe I need to start a to-don’t list: don’t take on too much, and definitely don’t fault myself for taking down-time.
I realized (not for the first time) while on vacation with my husband, that I really struggle with allowing myself to do nothing. To simply enjoy my own company and relax. When I set the intention to rest, I get cozy somewhere and chill for a few minutes before unconsciously picking up my phone. I go to Facebook, then Instagram, then I send an email, then I realize I’m supposed to be relaxing! Social media and work are so far from relaxing, but my brain seems to be conditioned to taking my down-time as mindless time. When did this happen? I used to always go for a book or listen to my favourite music. I have a burning desire to change these habits: I don’t want to be a slave to social media, to work, to the things I don’t want.
I have been attending restorative yoga regularly once per week for an hour and I meditate a few times per week as well, but this doesn’t feel like nothing. It feels like part of my self care plan. But for some reason, doing exactly what I want for an afternoon or day seems extremely selfish and makes me very uncomfortable. I need and want to become more mindful. We all know about it. We hear it at our yoga class, in meditation, from the therapists we spend a fortune on. It’s time for me to heed the advice. I am going to begin writing. Putting my thoughts on paper, blogs, and possibly into a book. I’m feeling optimistic that if I redirect that mindless energy into a creative form, I can start to unwind my anxiety, stress, and burn-out. I enjoyed reading and writing tremendously as a young girl. I’m going to re-connect with her and give her a voice again. Nurture something that I’ve buried for a very long time.
I’m feeling optimistic that if I redirect that mindless energy into a creative form, I can start to unwind my anxiety, stress, and burn-out.
As we age, it is very easy to become disconnected from the things that we enjoyed as children. It’s so easy to say that “it’s not important anymore”, “I’m grown up now”, or “I don’t have time for that”. Maybe that is why many of us are so lost? When you don’t have something in your world that you absolutely love to do, life can be a struggle. It becomes easy to stay in bed with the covers pulled tight if you’re not enjoying and creating your life. So enough is enough, I want more reading and more writing, and it’s time to stop thinking about it and start doing.
Do you have a passion that keeps your fire lit? Perhaps you have one you’ve let slip away?
I would love to hear about it in the comments. Be Well Friends!