GOOD VIBES ONLY
In the last few years, I’ve been doing a major lifestyle makeover. It’s caused me to re-evaluate a lot of my relationships with friends and family. I came to recognize that I had extremely poor communication skills, and so did a lot of the people in my life. I was well aware of the gripping fear that clutched my stomach and lungs anytime that I had to have a difficult conversation with anyone, including my husband. My fear was that I was going to upset the person or at the very worst, they may not like me anymore. The thought of people feeling this way towards me was paralyzing. Where the heck did these fears come from? And how do I overcome them?
Looking back at my life as a young girl, I always had a difficult time making friends in school. We moved every year or two, constantly making me the new girl. I often felt very alone and isolated, so afraid of not being liked, and it was definitely my first taste of not fitting in. I had a great desire to belong, and I’ve carried it with me all of these years.
My relationship with my parents was very strained growing up and I believe this had a huge impact on my relationship skills as an adult. We were a sweep-it-under-the-rug kind of family, and I learned to stay quiet somewhere along the way. However, in 2018 I joined a women’s support group after finding out that I was pregnant due to my IUD failing. I was in shock. Jon and I were finished having kids and had the rest of our life planned out. This surprise turned my world upside down and really forced me to look into the purpose of my life. During my time with this group, I realized there was a common theme amongst us all: none of us felt worthy. To not feel good enough is a very sad place to be. I’m grateful to these women and
myself for being brave enough to come forward with these words, because, as you can imagine, saying it out loud isn’t easy. I worked with these women, as well as individual and couple’s counselling to climb up out of the unworthy hell hole I was in. It took time and some uncomfortable feelings and conversations, but learning to own my voice was a great gift. Challenging myself to have difficult conversations has brought me so much closer to some loved ones and it’s helped me end toxic relationships with others.
I’m ready for real, authentic, kind, and compassionate people in my life. I want to be around people that are sending out Good Vibes Only...
Ending a relationship with someone whether it’s a family member or a friend can be really scary. When someone asks me how I do it, I tell them it doesn’t have to be looked at as a permanent solution. I like to think of it as taking a break, seeing how it feels to create some distance. Honestly, it’s felt pretty damn good for me every time. Leaving an option to reconnect can ease the guilt one may feel in a situation like this. I still do get a funny feeling in my stomach when I need to bring my truth to someone, but now I welcome this feeling as a signal that something needs to change. I’ve decided that I have had enough toxic relationships in my lifetime; I’m ready for real, authentic, kind, and compassionate people in my life. I want to be around people that are sending out Good Vibes Only, people that are worthy of my time. I now value myself, along with my time, so very much and a positive energy exchange is a must. That’s not to say that I can not tolerate someone’s bad mood or illness, I do expect them to be able to be happy for others, even in their own discomfort. We are the creators of our own lives. We get to decide who’s in and who’s out, so choose wisely. Your well-being depends on it.
Sending you all Good Vibes!